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As I stand on the threshold of a new year, I look back at the year I have endured. And I say "endured" because of the overall effect this year has had on me.
I have lost things that cannot be replaced. I have sustained injuries that may never heal. I have been overwhelmed, I have fallen face-down, more times than I can count. I have been weak. I have heeded the all-too persistent cry of a part of me that I wish to silence forever. I have been vexed by doubt and fear. My heart has been broken. I have lost family.
Conversely, I have discovered new things, about myself and about the people in my life. I have healed from many wounds. I have risen more times than I have fallen. I have gained strength, both of body and of character. I have shunned the evil in me and turned my thoughts toward good. I have faced down many fears and overcome my self-doubt. The bonds between me and my friends and family have grown ever stronger.
I have learned much during these past twelve months. Most of those lessons have been hard-learned, but they will last the longest. I have learned the true meaning of love, and with it the true meaning of pain. I have learned that pain is easier to accept if you aren't afraid of it. I have learned who I can trust, and I have learned when to keep myself guarded.
I have learned that I am an artist. I have learned to see the world differently, and with that discovery I have learned the virtue of patience.
Looking back I can see I am not the man I was a year ago. Whether the changes in me have been for better or worse may yet remain to be seen.
Now I also turn my eyes to the future, and I must admit to myself that my sense of optimism has evolved. I cannot say I have no hope for the future, but I do not believe things are going to get better. If anything, I believe they are going to get worse.
That is not to say I intend to give up. If my circumstances are going to change, then I too must change. I will not let the world change me, however. I will change for the better. I will adapt. I will endure. I will grow stronger. I will survive. Ultimately, I will thrive.
Let the hard times come. I will become harder still.
This is the last time I will look back at certain areas in my life. Certain doors have been closed that I will not open again. Some opportunities have been lost that can't be regained. Some bridges that have been burned cannot be rebuilt.
This is also the first time I will look ahead with clear perspective on the future. Countless doors wait to be opened. Opportunities lie waiting to be taken. Bridges lie upon my path waiting to be crossed.
It's time to start walking.
I have lost things that cannot be replaced. I have sustained injuries that may never heal. I have been overwhelmed, I have fallen face-down, more times than I can count. I have been weak. I have heeded the all-too persistent cry of a part of me that I wish to silence forever. I have been vexed by doubt and fear. My heart has been broken. I have lost family.
Conversely, I have discovered new things, about myself and about the people in my life. I have healed from many wounds. I have risen more times than I have fallen. I have gained strength, both of body and of character. I have shunned the evil in me and turned my thoughts toward good. I have faced down many fears and overcome my self-doubt. The bonds between me and my friends and family have grown ever stronger.
I have learned much during these past twelve months. Most of those lessons have been hard-learned, but they will last the longest. I have learned the true meaning of love, and with it the true meaning of pain. I have learned that pain is easier to accept if you aren't afraid of it. I have learned who I can trust, and I have learned when to keep myself guarded.
I have learned that I am an artist. I have learned to see the world differently, and with that discovery I have learned the virtue of patience.
Looking back I can see I am not the man I was a year ago. Whether the changes in me have been for better or worse may yet remain to be seen.
Now I also turn my eyes to the future, and I must admit to myself that my sense of optimism has evolved. I cannot say I have no hope for the future, but I do not believe things are going to get better. If anything, I believe they are going to get worse.
That is not to say I intend to give up. If my circumstances are going to change, then I too must change. I will not let the world change me, however. I will change for the better. I will adapt. I will endure. I will grow stronger. I will survive. Ultimately, I will thrive.
Let the hard times come. I will become harder still.
This is the last time I will look back at certain areas in my life. Certain doors have been closed that I will not open again. Some opportunities have been lost that can't be regained. Some bridges that have been burned cannot be rebuilt.
This is also the first time I will look ahead with clear perspective on the future. Countless doors wait to be opened. Opportunities lie waiting to be taken. Bridges lie upon my path waiting to be crossed.
It's time to start walking.
Thoughts
I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. And when I say "lately," I mean the majority of minutes I spend awake every day. I've thought about who and what I am, and how that relates (and even contrasts) with who and what I want to be.
I am a creator. That will never change. I will write and draw until the day I die- in fact, I cannot imagine a more appropriate way to die than to do so at my desk, practicing my craft. It's not the most ideal image for many people- alone in a little box with a glowing screen in front of your face as you breathe your last, slump over, and add an infinite number of letter j's to whatever document you've bee
Where Have I Been?
It has been exactly one year since I last wrote a journal entry. I remember a time when I'd write one every week, or every other week. But a whole year has gone by since my last successful attempt at being ignored. I guess I haven't missed much.
What shall I say, then? This last year has been typical: full of its own comings and goings, its ups and downs, its victories, defeats, tragedies, comedies, hopes, doubts, loves and losses. How much of them I have personally participated in I could certainly not put into a single journal entry, a) because no one would read it, and b) because it would be a severe waste of my time. It would n
New Video!
I made a new PMV called "Since I Met You." It's on Youtube now: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zzm_OWXlzpA
It's set to a DC Talk song of the same name. I had a lot of fun with it, but admittedly spent too much time on it. Now to get to work on things that actually matter...
So Here's the Thing
There may be a few of my watchers who wonder where I've been the past four months. Or you're reading this and thinking, "Oh yeah, he's that one guy who did those one things that one time. What was his name again?"
Either way, I haven't written a journal entry since my birthday (4/20), and I haven't posted any art since Father's Day (and in that context I use the word "art" very loosely). I did say back in April that I was working on something big, and that should explain my absence. I'd like to address that.
I was going to do a big, multi-page comic about Princesses Celestia and Luna on the day Luna became Nightmare Moon. A huge battle
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Comments3
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Your thoughts remind me of where I was at the end of 2011. That was a difficult year for me. It stole a lot of momentum and potential from 2012, but I think I'm finally starting to move on. Life is rough, but humans are very adaptable. Happy new year to you and I hope things go well for you!