A Look Back

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RavenousDrake's avatar
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As I stand on the threshold of a new year, I look back at the year I have endured.  And I say "endured" because of the overall effect this year has had on me.
I have lost things that cannot be replaced.  I have sustained injuries that may never heal.  I have been overwhelmed, I have fallen face-down, more times than I can count.  I have been weak.  I have heeded the all-too persistent cry of a part of me that I wish to silence forever.  I have been vexed by doubt and fear.  My heart has been broken.  I have lost family.
Conversely, I have discovered new things, about myself and about the people in my life.  I have healed from many wounds.  I have risen more times than I have fallen.  I have gained strength, both of body and of character.  I have shunned the evil in me and turned my thoughts toward good.  I have faced down many fears and overcome my self-doubt.  The bonds between me and my friends and family have grown ever stronger.
I have learned much during these past twelve months.  Most of those lessons have been hard-learned, but they will last the longest.  I have learned the true meaning of love, and with it the true meaning of pain.  I have learned that pain is easier to accept if you aren't afraid of it.  I have learned who I can trust, and I have learned when to keep myself guarded.
I have learned that I am an artist.  I have learned to see the world differently, and with that discovery I have learned the virtue of patience.  
Looking back I can see I am not the man I was a year ago.  Whether the changes in me have been for better or worse may yet remain to be seen.
Now I also turn my eyes to the future, and I must admit to myself that my sense of optimism has evolved.  I cannot say I have no hope for the future, but I do not believe things are going to get better.  If anything, I believe they are going to get worse.
That is not to say I intend to give up.  If my circumstances are going to change, then I too must change.  I will not let the world change me, however.  I will change for the better.  I will adapt.  I will endure.  I will grow stronger.  I will survive.  Ultimately, I will thrive.
Let the hard times come.  I will become harder still.
This is the last time I will look back at certain areas in my life.  Certain doors have been closed that I will not open again.  Some opportunities have been lost that can't be regained.  Some bridges that have been burned cannot be rebuilt.
This is also the first time I will look ahead with clear perspective on the future.  Countless doors wait to be opened.  Opportunities lie waiting to be taken.  Bridges lie upon my path waiting to be crossed.
It's time to start walking.
© 2013 - 2024 RavenousDrake
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opus-13's avatar
Your thoughts remind me of where I was at the end of 2011. That was a difficult year for me. It stole a lot of momentum and potential from 2012, but I think I'm finally starting to move on. Life is rough, but humans are very adaptable. Happy new year to you and I hope things go well for you!